Published on Radio FreeEurope-RadioLiberty, by Bermet Egemberdieva, June 20, 2006.
2 Excerpts: … “In the beginning, it was all good – until we got married,” Ainura says. “Oftentimes, he was just jealous. It started after we got married, and got worse after I got pregnant. When he would leave for work, he started locking me inside our house. He broke our home telephone and, still, after coming back from work, he would start asking questions about visitors. I answered, ‘Who could come when the door was locked?’ He began to search for reasons to swear at me — he even confessed that on the way home he would plan on what he could complain about. For example, if dinner wasn’t ready or clothes not ironed or washed, and so on.”
And that’s when the beatings began, she says.
“He beat me badly, kicked [me] — even when I had our son in my arms,” she says. “Our son was very scared afterward, and even when my husband was talking loudly, [our son] would start crying hysterically.”
To Ainura, it was clear that her husband was trying to turn her into his property, rather than his wife.
“I was just a slave to him,” she says. “I cooked, cleaned, washed, [and] looked after our child. And when he came home, I begged him not to beat me.”
The young couple lived together with her husband’s relatives. To Ainura’s surprise, they never intervened to stop a beating or to discourage her husband’s cruel treatment.
“The last time, he beat me and kicked me in the kidneys — it was very painful,” Ainura says. “I cried and ran out of the room. As I was running out, I saw his brother and sister sitting and silently observing in the next room.”
‘A Part Of Our Tradition’
How is it that seemingly typical families can stand by in silence and watch a young woman being savagely beaten by her husband? Perhaps society considers such violence acceptable.
“Men have beaten their wives since the ancient times,” a young man named Sabyr who live in Bishkek said. “These actions became a part of our culture and traditions.”
Does Sabyr beat his own wife?
Yes, I do — two or three times a month,” he said. “I don’t want to do it, but sometimes it just happens on its own. They talk too much, [or they] complain, and sometimes it has to be done — just as a warning to them.”
Another man, Samat, says he has never raised a hand against his wife. But he adds that he considers that an option.
“I think that couples need to understand each other,” Samat said. “A husband and a wife — both should be trying to create a peaceful atmosphere in their home. Beating is just too much. But there are times when women behave in a way that makes their husbands beat them. Those men’s actions can be justified. But obviously men should try to explain everything through talking” …
… After leaving the home of her abusive husband and his compliant family, Ainura sought shelter at a crisis center in Bishkek. The Sezim crisis center is now their home, although it is difficult to say for how long. In addition to food and shelter, Ainura receives psychological counseling and legal advice.
In The Crisis Center:
The shelter’s director, Byubyusara Ryskulova, says the number of women turning to Sezim for help is increasing every year. The center recently sponsored a survey on domestic violence in which two out of three respondents claimed to have been the victims of domestic violence. Ryskulova places much of the blame on the way children in Kyrgyz society are raised.
Sezim crisis center director Byubyusara Ryskulova (RFE/RL)”From a very young age — in kindergarten, in school, and then in university — we have to teach everyone that all members of society are equal,” Ryskulova said. “Everyone should know their rights and know how to defend them and not violate the rights of the others.”
Counselors from the crisis center are trying to determine whether Ainura’s husband can be taken to court for his abuse and forced to meet his obligations to his wife and child. The task is made more difficult by the fact that Ainura and her husband never officially registered their marriage … (full text).